Everyone wants me to make decisions. Where is my work going? Do I want to design patterns or paint pictures? Am I going to work on paper or wood or fabric? What do I want to do after uni? Am I going to do a masters? Am I going to get a job? Am I a fine artist or a designer? These are all questions I have been avoiding for the last 3 years and now they are all looming over me like a big scary thing that looms…
Anyway, apparently my subtle ploys to try and get other people to make these decisions for me have not worked, and now I have to decide. I feel like any decision I make will change the course of the rest of my life and I am almost guaranteed to make the wrong one and yes, I do realise I am being slightly melodramatic.
Perhaps, the therapeutic process of blogging will help me decide. Or perhaps, anyone reading this could give me some hints?
The main thing I want to decide is between fine art and applied design. I just don’t know what I want. I would love to be a fine artist but that is such a pipe dream; it would be so expensive to do a masters and then after that I wouldn’t really have a job I’d just have to make work. And my work is ok but I don’t really think I’m ever going to be the kind of artist who sells work for thousands of pounds, and I am sick of being in places for short periods of time, I want to live somewhere and actually live there, not just live there for 6 months or a year and then move on.
But then what about being some kind of designer? As you know I work a lot with pattern, and doing a masters in some kind of pattern or fabric design would be really interesting. And not only that but it would give me real marketable skills that could lead to a real job somewhere amazing like Liberties or Laura Ashley. And not only that but I believe in my own abilities in this area. I could perhaps apply for these things with confidence and determination, because there is a tangible outcome to aim for.
Ok, I think this blogging thing may well have worked. I have clearly laid out my thinking and my priorities and there you have it. I am going to apply for a design type course. I don’t know what course yet, I need to research which one I want to do but I have an aim now.
This also helps me make decisions regarding my artistic practice now. If I am going to apply for a design course I need to build up my portfolio with design work. I need to use the degree show to flaunt my skills. Good. I feel like I’m really getting somewhere.
And, the good thing about being some sort of designer is that it doesn’t stop me being a painter. I can continue using painting in the ways that I love – expressing myself, enjoying the process without the pressure of it having to be ‘good art’, and also helping others express themselves.
I am quite often melodramatic, but taking a step back and thinking about things clearly and carefully helps me realise that whatever decisions I do make now do matter, but do not really determine the whole rest of my life. Whatever I do over the next few year could change dramatically but it doesn’t determine how I will spend the rest of my life. Which takes the pressure off really.
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