Don’t worry I am not about to burst into some weird confession about my love life. I am referring once again to my inability to make decisions. Although my last blog did help me eliminate a few options, I still don’t feel like I have a clear idea of what I want to do, as although I have looked into varying MA courses in subjects that interest me and looked over a few jobs and things, but nothing is really deeply stirring my interest. At least not enough for me to spend 2 years being poor followed by several years of debt over it.
I’m not even feeling that passionate about writing this blog write now… but that may be because I am in my second home (263) with interesting people and interesting TV.
I’ve noticed, due to the expression of extremist views all around me, that I don’t really have many extreme views – most things I can easily sit on the fence for. I don’t generally have much confidence in my own opinions, not because I think I’m stupid or anything, but because most of the time I think things can be looked at in so many different ways that my particular point of view could easily be wrong or misinformed or it could be seen from a different point of view.
This makes me feel like a fairly passionless person, because there isn’t much that really makes me argue my point or fight for. However, one of the things that always moves me is working with young people. Maybe the answer lies here, as when I worked with young people I did feel really fulfilled and worthwhile. I am passionate about art and peoples power of expressing themselves and creating beauty. I have considered MA courses in Art Therapy, but I don’t really know if I’m really all that interested in the proper learning how to be a therapist part.
The problem at the moment I think is that nothing is really jumping out at me and saying ‘do this!’, which has always been the case before. I knew I wanted to do a gap year. I knew I wanted to do an Art and Design degree and I knew exactly which one I wanted to do. But now I feel kind of a bit lost.
I am also sick of hearing myself whinge at people about this, so I’ll shut up now and talk about something else. My work has moved onto the next step and I am developing it with more intention towards what will be my final piece for the degree show. Instead of working with crane birds, I have moved on to looking at swans. I felt it was important for me to be making work that was more personal to me and had more emotion behind it. In my hometown, there are lots of swans around the harbour and lakes and I have always thought that they are beautiful and elegant, and also quite cool because the Queen owns them. Anyway I’m not sure what this is going to look like, but I am trying to spend plenty of time in the studio experimenting with new ideas and methods. I’ll keep you posted, and maybe have some photos soon…
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