Relax and Enjoy

            N.B. Jeff, this is basically the conversation we just had, so I understand if you don’t read on…

My last couple of blogs have been a little bit stressed out, trying to make big decisions about the future and all, but you’ll be pleased to hear (I hope) that I am feeling much more relaxed at the moment. Having made the decision that I don’t want to do an MA and I’m not aiming to be a fine artist (at least not at the moment) I am now able to take some time before I start needing to apply for either a job or a graduate scheme of some kind. This time is needed at the moment, as I have to write 4000 words on the contexts that surround my work (a ‘rationale’ a.k.a. arts version of a dissertation).

4000 words are not that much to some people, but to me its freekin loads! It’s the only essay I write all year, and I have only written 2 other essays during my degree, one 2000 words, and the other 3000 words. So yeah, it’s a lot.

I find it so difficult to write essays. I find reading about art takes me a long time so actually doing enough research to start writing is difficult. And then once I start writing it takes a while for me to be able to articulate my thoughts in an intelligent way. I also don’t have brilliant grammar or spelling, so proof reading is always a joy! Add to that the fact that I am a professional procrastinator and realistically this essay takes me months.

Alongside writing my essay I am continuing to make lots of work. Like I said in my last blog, I am focusing on swans at the moment. Recently, I have been working on experimental paintings of swans (see one below), trying out different kinds of paints, techniques and surfaces. My final piece (which you will probably see in the degree show if you come along) is most likely going to involve either paintings or prints of swans on dividing screens. The point is to take inspiration from traditional Oriental styles but to give them an English countryside twist. I hope I’m not giving the game away too much, I may hold off on photos from now on so as not to ruin the surprise!

Despite my mounting workload, I am feeling quite relaxed, probably due to my recent calm outlook on the future. But I think I am so relaxed because I have reached a point in my practice where I have an aim for the outcome of my work and I am in a really fun stage of experimenting ways of painting and generally enjoying being an artist. So, my advice to my fellow art students at the moment is; relax and enjoy. 

I don't feel very passionate

            Don’t worry I am not about to burst into some weird confession about my love life. I am referring once again to my inability to make decisions. Although my last blog did help me eliminate a few options, I still don’t feel like I have a clear idea of what I want to do, as although I have looked into varying MA courses in subjects that interest me and looked over a few jobs and things, but nothing is really deeply stirring my interest. At least not enough for me to spend 2 years being poor followed by several years of debt over it.

            I’m not even feeling that passionate about writing this blog write now… but that may be because I am in my second home (263) with interesting people and interesting TV.

            I’ve noticed, due to the expression of extremist views all around me, that I don’t really have many extreme views – most things I can easily sit on the fence for. I don’t generally have much confidence in my own opinions, not because I think I’m stupid or anything, but because most of the time I think things can be looked at in so many different ways that my particular point of view could easily be wrong or misinformed or it could be seen from a different point of view.

            This makes me feel like a fairly passionless person, because there isn’t much that really makes me argue my point or fight for. However, one of the things that always moves me is working with young people. Maybe the answer lies here, as when I worked with young people I did feel really fulfilled and worthwhile. I am passionate about art and peoples power of expressing themselves and creating beauty. I have considered MA courses in Art Therapy, but I don’t really know if I’m really all that interested in the proper learning how to be a therapist part.

            The problem at the moment I think is that nothing is really jumping out at me and saying ‘do this!’, which has always been the case before. I knew I wanted to do a gap year. I knew I wanted to do an Art and Design degree and I knew exactly which one I wanted to do. But now I feel kind of a bit lost.

            I am also sick of hearing myself whinge at people about this, so I’ll shut up now and talk about something else. My work has moved onto the next step and I am developing it with more intention towards what will be my final piece for the degree show. Instead of working with crane birds, I have moved on to looking at swans. I felt it was important for me to be making work that was more personal to me and had more emotion behind it. In my hometown, there are lots of swans around the harbour and lakes and I have always thought that they are beautiful and elegant, and also quite cool because the Queen owns them. Anyway I’m not sure what this is going to look like, but I am trying to spend plenty of time in the studio experimenting with new ideas and methods. I’ll keep you posted, and maybe have some photos soon…